


The Exhibition of Lost Dreams

by Florence68



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 17:51:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13618554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florence68/pseuds/Florence68
Summary: My story for MoreS2SL, a charity which raised money for childhood cancer.For more information please visit mS2SL Website (https://ms2sl.com/#!/news) or Blog (https://mores2sl.tumblr.com/)!





	The Exhibition of Lost Dreams

**I**

He stopped in front of the entrance to the gallery, trying to overcome the stage-fright that threatened to take control over him and destroy the most important day of his career. One would expect some more composure of a thirty-year-old that has his own art exhibition in the currently most notable gallery in New York and is holding about ten newspaper clips from different magazines in which there is a row of brilliant reviews of his paintings. However, his professional path was full of bends and turns. Of course, that has made him a fighter, but at the same time it has caused insecurity and self-doubts. Today’s opening of his solo exhibition in the world center of art is the dream of every painter and that may even be the beginning of a new path that he will tread on more confidently and self-assuredly.

 

At the gallery, a working atmosphere awaited him. Everyone was busy with the last preparations prior to the official opening of the exhibition. The only calm person was the owner of the gallery, who approached him with a smile.

“Mellark, this will be the event of the season. The journalists and reporters have already RSVPed and we cannot get rid of all the people that are trying to get an invitation”.

“Oh, China, thank you for everything! It’s very obvious though that they are only interested because of you. Hardly anybody has heard of me. But with your connections and advertisement…”

„There’s no need to belittle yourself. Your paintings will sweep them off their feet. I suggest you take a walk through the gallery and check whether everything is alright. All the paintings are up, the promo material is prepared. I just have to clear some details with the guys from catering. If you spot some mistake or want to change anything, just say the word. We have time until the evening to achieve perfection,” he waved, heading to the office.

 

He breathed in deeply and started to walk around. Just like he expected, his best piece of art was in the central spot, right across the entrance, the only nude – an aquarelle of calm and soft colors in contrast to the overstrung body and an arrow, whose sharp tip was puncturing the artist’s initials. The wish to possess her and the awareness that this was an unachievable goal for him, who was not worthy of her, could be recognized in every brush stroke. One look at the picture was enough to take him back in time and force him to relive the moments he would rather forget…

 

**II**

His entering the bakery was accompanied with a bell ring. Instantaneously he could hear “Coming right away!” from the back. Following the familiar voice, the lit up face of his older brother appeared.

“Oh my God! Welcome home, baby bro.”

His brother’s bear hug reminded him of his childhood.

“No way dad left you alone with the bakery. You will scare away the customers…”

„Hah, hah... Says the loser who’s moving in with mommy again at the age of 24...“

„Just be happy that I’ll be here for three months to regain the customers’ faith in Mellark-products.”

“You do know that you may start off as my apprentice.”

We laughed, both of us aware of the fact that Rye was a solid baker but could not measure up to my talents.

“O.K. Peeta, speak…”

“What about? You know everything. The specialization is starting in September.”

“No drifting off. What about your love troubles?”

“Nothing. When she heard that I was moving to New York and picking up my studies again, Glimmer dumped me. If that’s not proof that I was born under a lucky star, I don’t know what is.”

„Little baby, your lucky star has left the building. A fair warning, Dame Mother will eat you up alive because of your break-up with Glimmer. Such a great girl, the daughter of her lady friend from bridge-club! And you do stuff like that. A softy, incompetent, a shame to the entire family.“

 

Rye could always imitate their mother perfectly. When Peeta was little, that was a great source of terror for him and later on of convulsion accompanied by the laughter. This time, he accompanied his brother’s laugh relaxedly. It seemed as if, for the first time in his life, everything had fallen into place and he could look into the future with joy.

The feeling of happiness and inner peace could not even be corrupted by the thought of spending the next two months with his mother. On the contrary. The fact that he had managed to make his dreams come true without her help and her explicit opposition gave him ineffable delight. When, six years ago, he announced that he was going to be studying art, his mother informed him loud and clear that she would freeze his college fund because she would not finance such nonsense. Even though he had been expecting such a reaction, it hurt that his father did not speak out in his favor – not even in this most important of moments. He laughed at his mother’s announcement and informed her coldly that it was alright. Even though the grant he had been awarded only covered the tuition costs, he was certain that he would manage on his own. And now, six years later, he was coming home for his semester break with a master’s degree in fine art and a university spot for a special one-year-program in New York.

 

Rye’s mocking and questions were interrupted by the arrival of his wife Johanna and their daughter. The thrilled little girl ran to her uncle and threw herself into his embrace.

“You came! You bettuw give me my buuwthday pwesthent. I can thwim with my watuw wingth.”

“Wow, Rosie. When did you learn to swim? How?”

“My fuwiend showed me. She playth with me and we do all kindth of thingth.”

“What’s the name of that new friend of yours?”

“She will be here just now. She’s parking the car in the garage. And you, little blabbermouth, take a breath and come pick out cookies for your company,” Rye grabbed her and, throwing her into the air, went to the kitchen.

Katniss Everdeen. She was the friend. Just like every time would see her, he lost his breath and words. Instantly, he felt shame because of the way he reacted to her – basically still a girl, six years younger than him. Johanna shot him a significant look and with a smile she said:

„Congratulations, really, from the bottom of my heart.“

„Thank you, Jo! I can’t wait for the specialization to start...“

„I didn’t mean that. Congrats for getting rid of Glimmer. I was already worrying that you’d be lost forever. And today, we will celebrate your newfound reason as soon as we’re done with the kids’ party. The entire gang will be here…”

 

After Rosie’s birthday party, when all the children had been picked up by their parents and Rosie had gone to grandpa Mellark to continue playing, the group gathered and began their tradition of a summery relaxation by the pool, with beer, laughter and jokes. He talked to everyone, not being able to keep his eyes off of Katniss. Encouraged by the beer he approached her and started a light conversation about regular everyday things and happenings in their lives – his specialization, her going to university, Prim and her mom, her summer job at the restaurant... A sudden friendly slap on the back and Finnick’s laughter when, because of this all too manly greeting, Peeta spilled the entire content of his beer mug onto Katniss. He suggested that they should go to the guest room, where his clothes were, so she could have one of his shirts.

In the room, after a few moments of awkward silence they spontaneously drew closer to each other. The initially shy kiss soon turned into something more – taking their breath away…

 

**xxx**

 

The moments when he would wake up calm and well-rested were few. Usually he’d spend restless nights filled with nightmares. He was enjoying this precious moment, when suddenly restlessness crept into him. The unusual smell that surrounded him woke him up all the way. He jumped up nervously, running his hands through his hair. He was alone in the room. She had sneaked out while he had been sleeping. He sank down onto the bed not knowing what to do, while alternating waves of shame, fear and unusual excitement were hitting him. What now? He has been attracted to Katniss since forever. He felt like a pervert observing her as a teenage girl. The age gap had been unbridgeable at that time and his obsession with her had been sick. He had collected all the information about her, he had been happy when she would come to the bakery and remembered every detail of all the mundane talks they had had with each other every now and then. The long lasting relationship with Glimmer was a shield so he could hide from these feelings and thoughts. Now that the age difference was not an obstacle anymore, Katniss has made the first step, admitted that he has always interested her and has been a secret crush since he has given her a heart-shaped cookie for Valentine’s Day when she had been five years old. And there he had said farewell to his reason. Luckily, her obvious lack of experience called him to his senses, so he was able to, with all the power of self-control, keep all within, for his age and level of experience, more or less decent lines. If that had been anybody else, he would have laughed at the teenage make-out session and forgotten everything soon. But it was Katniss. His unachievable dream. And everything was happening just before he would go to New York, during the hunt for an equally important dream of a successful career. The Gods were laughing at him.

 

Undecided, he spent the entire morning thinking. It would be best for him to forget everything and act as if nothing had happened. While this thought was taking shape, he already went to the door, impatient to see her as soon as possible. In that moment the bell rang. He heard voices downstairs. He could already recognize Glimmer’s voice from up there. As soon as he came down, without any ado she told him that she was pregnant in front of Jo and Ray.

From that moment on, everything unraveled at lightning speed. All control over his life was seized by Glimmer and his mother. A blitz-wedding, dropping the specialization, a return to university to get a teaching license after two semesters of extra exams, so he could, in his mother’s words, “have any kind of job, now, that he has to take care of a family”. Suddenly the long forgotten college fund was activated to support his only smart choice and decision in life, i.e. to marry Glimmer, so Mrs. Mellark commented, pleased.

 

He surrendered to the circumstances and suppressed the memory of Katniss and the dream of becoming an artist. He didn’t have a choice. The four-year-long relationship with Glimmer, no matter how superficial and absurd, has tied him to having to take responsibility for the consequences. That was the general opinion. Only Rye and Jo grumbled that it would be better for him to leave without a trace until the rush was over.

 

**xxx**

 

While he attended the July and August classes to get his teaching license as soon as possible, Glimmer was setting-up an apartment they rented outside of campus. Both, the rent and the furniture, just like their every-day life, exceeded their budget. His mother was more than happy to jump in and help her dear daughter-in-law who was a real consolation after the shame of a wife Rye has let into the family. At the end of August Glimmer informed him that she was not pregnant. It was a false alarm, a hormonal imbalance or something like that.

He wasn’t even capable of feeling rage. Everything was gone anyways. The shame due to his own stupidity made him look past all that and continue his life of mediocrity. There was only silence between them.

 

At the beginning of October, he found out that Glimmer was seeing someone else. He coincidentally saw her get out of a car he didn’t know, in front of the building. When she entered the apartment, he asked her disinterestedly who had given her a ride home. Something in his tone or the mere question broke the wall of silence and she poured down a seemingly unstoppable flood of words onto him:

“As if you actually even care! You think I’m crazy. You destroyed my life. You’re just a common fool. This is neither the first nor the last guy on the side since you and I have been an item. Do you remember how I broke things off with you? I’ve been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for a year then already. When I told him that I had left you, he laughed and said it was time for him to take off as well. He didn’t trust me. And all because of you. Maybe I would have left you alone even, but it did worry me a bit that I’m not the youngest and have neither a husband nor a fiancé on the horizon. And I did find your sketch books. On every page her. Just her. As a five-year-old, as a teenager. Just her. How long has this been going on for? Wow, do you think I don’t know who she is? A kid, six years younger than you. You are a sick pervert. I should report you to the police. And your sick brother and his wife are helping you, they’ve even hired her as a baby-sitter, to give you a shot. Well, as soon as I had seen these drawings, I had decided. You had to pay for this humiliation. And where are you at now? Bye Katniss, bye New York… Where are you going? Why are you not talking? You’re not even capable of fighting like a man…”

 

**III**

 

China’s voice pulled him away from these painful memories.

“Is everything alright? Do you want any changes?”

“No. Everything looks great. I’ll just check whether the light is hitting the artwork well.”

 

His eyes landed on her face. Black and white charcoal on canvas. An unusual technique. A face that is far away, a white almost transparent dandelion and a dark arrow in the foreground. That’s what it had felt like, when his life had stopped. A flower full of life and hope faded. A sharp pain punctured him like an arrow. And her image was disappearing in the distance…

 

**xxx**

 

In shock, fully dulled, he got into the car and automatically took a two hour ride to see Rye. Finding himself in front of a completely dark house, he realized that it was midnight already. He was sitting in the car not knowing what to do, when a suddenly turned on light on the porch made him flinch. Rye came out of the house and pulled him out of the car. Jo welcomed them with a drink. Without even a word, he finished his glass of whiskey and held it out to Jo.

“Slow down, cowboy! Let me know first what you’ve messed up.”

He told them everything in a flat voice and raised the empty glass again. Rye poured him another whisky. The tortured silence was interrupted by an unexpected giggle. The two of them looked at Jo, astonished.

“What? Of course it’s funny. You got rid of that misery. Otherwise you would never have had the gut to clean up that mess on your own. You should be celebrating. Just imagine having a child with that lunatic?”

„O.K. You hit the bullseye. It’s just that I don’t know what to do now.“

„Oh, that’s easy. Jo will tell you what to do. That’s how I solve all of my problems“, said Rye all seriously.

Jo laughed, blew him a kiss, stuck out her tongue at him and began:

“You will first get a lot of sleep and then straight to the doctor you go, early in the morning. With a wife like that, an STD test is a must. Then, my son, you will go to the lawyer to file for divorce. Then you’ll go get your things with Rye, so the loon doesn’t jump at you and make you change your mind. We’re moving you to the guest room and you can start working as Ryes apprentice at the bakery…”

They laughed and Rye wasn’t able to hold back his kisses any longer. For the first time since Glimmer has announced her pregnancy here in the hallway, Peeta felt relief and tranquility.

“… and while you’re learning the baking craft, you’ll ask around how to get that thing with New York going.”

That actually had awoken a tiny spark of hope in him.

 

Just like a good, obedient scout, he did everything Jo had told him to do. The test was negative, the lawyer efficient, Rye as a new boss and landlord was arrogant...

 

In New York there was no place for him anymore.

 

**xxx**

 

At the beginning, he had been preoccupied with practical problems, from the divorce to the exmatriculation from university and the moving into the apartment above the bakery. He didn’t pay attention to the derision and gossip that was customary for their small vapid town. The bitterly mean remarks his mother made did sting a bit but that was to be expected. The fact that every attempt to find a job that would enable him to devote himself to art ended in a disaster had defeated him. He didn’t take the rumors that Katniss was in a perfect relationship with an ideal boyfriend and that Gale and her were made for each other so well either. Without even noticing, he started drinking more and more and getting drunk ever more often.

 

Three years after the evening spent with Katniss, he is standing in the bakery and having a déjà-vu. Jo and Rosie are coming in. Excited greetings and talk about the birthday. Rye is leading the chatty child to the kitchen to pick cakes. Katniss appears. Yes, he has experienced all of this already. Only, his circumstances are very different now. While he is mutely observing Katniss, who seems mature, self-confident, successful and looks more beautiful than ever, he becomes aware of the sad, neglected state he is in and his failed life. She greets him politely but keeps her distance, she continues the conversation with Jo and leaves upon seeing Gale in front of the bakery.

 

**xxx**

 

The easiest solution is the best, he tries to comfort himself while he is drinking up who knows what at the _Hob_ , a bar full of local drunks and frisky students. He doesn’t even have the strength to be embarrassed when he sees Katniss, who is working at the counter. He’s resting his head on his hands and slowly falling asleep. He feels someone shaking him, helping him get up and leading him out of the bar. The fresh night breeze has cleared up his head a little bit. Next to him there is Katniss, who is walking him to the bakery and taking him to the apartment. He falls onto the bed, aware of the fact that he is hallucinating again due to the alcohol. There is no way that she’s in the apartment with him. In a hush, like a mantra, he’s uttering the sentence that has been haunting him for years: “Katniss, I love you.”

 

**IV**

 

Suddenly there was music from every angle. There were still a few workers at the gallery, in charge of some little tasks to be done before the opening. His glance was caught by an artwork that showed her and him, a little serious, a little worried, turned to the symbol of hope – a bright yellow flower that was glowing between them.

 

**xxx**

 

When he woke up that morning, hungover and with a bad headache, at once a vision of her appeared in front of his eyes: she was hovering over him, covering him with a blanket and removing hair from his forehead. It looked like not even the alcohol could help him forget. He dressed quickly and came down to the bakery, aware that he was late again and that Rye would not be in a good mood. He silently got to work, trying not to think of anything. At noon, he entered the front part of the bakery as he had heard Jo.

 

“Hi, Jo! Why…”, he stopped in mid-sentence. Katniss was standing next to her. She greeted him calmly and asked him how he felt after yesterday’s drinking spree.

“Katniss told me she barely managed to drag you home last night. The job at the Hob is getting worse every day. Not only do they watching, poor things, they have to babysit as well. I think you owe her a decent dinner.”

“Jo, that’s not…,” Katniss blushed.

“That’s not what? It’s time for someone to remind him of his manners. So, my dears, I’ve made a reservation for you two at the _Panem_ this evening at eight…”, she said closing the door after her.

 

And that’s how it started. After a completely degrading passing out on account of the alcohol and Jo’s not particularly subtle meddling, they went out for dinner. After the initial unease, they started an honest and open conversation. They kept to safe topics – their families, her studies, his work at the bakery. When he walked her home, in front of the door, she turned around and kissed him goodnight, on his cheek, in an amicable way. Encouraged by this, he hugged her and gently rested his lips on hers. When he noticed that she did not push him away, he decided, fully giving in to his feelings, that he would never let her go again…

 

They spent the summer being inseparable. His friends – even though they did not believe in the future of this relationship – supported him, hoping that this was how he would drag himself out of the abyss he was stuck in. As her return to university was approaching he became more and more nervous. He tried to convince himself that her two remaining semesters would pass soon, that he could trust Katniss completely, that they would see each other during the holidays and breaks. Nevertheless, as soon as Katniss had left, doubts and jealousy began torturing him. The phone calls soon turned into interrogations and an expression of distrust. When he was drunk, he didn’t hesitate to openly accuse and insult her. The next day, he would apologize, beg for forgiveness, relentlessly drive to the student dorms to convince her to give him another chance. Already after a few days, the doubts would return and he would start a new cycle of the passive-aggressive game he masterfully conducted – his mother’s worthy son. All the methods she had used to control the entire family, to demean and torture them, he spontaneously applied in his relationship with Katniss.

 

**xxx**

 

The end, even though it was expected, came suddenly and met him completely unprepared. After an extremely aggressive fight, some hanging up and refusing to answer her calls, she turned up at the bakery the next morning, in the middle of her exam period. Glimmer, who was standing in front of him and jabbering endlessly, had come to pick up his mother because they were meeting for lunch. As soon as she saw Katniss, sparks flared up in her eyes, she unexpectedly leaned into him, kissed him and said: “Ah, darling, I won’t bother you, you’ve got customers.” Katniss turned around without a word and left. If he had run after her, had caught up with her, had explained it to her, maybe he would have had some chance of smoothing things over. However, he decided to let her blow off some steam, before calling her. Some part of him enjoyed the thought somewhat gloatingly that Katniss would now feel a tiny part of the jealousy that has been gnawing at him for months. But he was wrong. She broke off contact entirely. At the door of her student dorm, he was awaited by Gale, who openly threatened that he would, without hesitation and with joy, apply force if he didn’t leave Katniss alone. Even Jo had given up on him.

 

**xxx**

 

He began to get drunk mercilessly, trying to suppress the image that was always right in front of his eyes – her and him, full of joy, looking at their future together. And that damn dandelion…

 

**V**

 

He released his gaze from the picture that showed another lost dream. The one that he had destroyed single-handedly, unable to fight for his own happiness.

 

**xxx**

 

There were only a few minutes left until the opening. The visitors started arriving. One could hear greetings and congratulations from every corner. China introduced him to countless people that were interested in his art and important to his career. Business cards were filling his pockets – those which promised new business challenges as well as those which were more or less discreet offers for a private challenges. All of this should have flattered him, he should have been happy. He had finally achieved his dream. Against all odds. He did believe that the success would bring him some sort of peace. But he was wrong. In that moment which was the icing on a cake that was his work he realized that the fulfillment of that dream was meaningless without her.

 

He automatically looked at the only oil on canvas on display. Two colors in endless nuances of a warm yellow and a cold blue. Her face honest, familiar, soft and everything else blue – distanced, cold, unfamiliar, unattainable… Her and that damned arrow – her strength and his powerlessness.

 

**xxx**

 

That image had been haunting him from the moment he had pushed her away with his weakness, jealousy, cowardliness, distrust, maliciousness.

After the encounter with Gale at the door of her dorm room, he returned home and took up drinking. He didn’t go to work for days or even sober up in between. After a few days, early in the morning, Jo stormed into his apartment, shook him roughly, threw a wet, cold towel onto his face and told him to get down to the bakery at once. He dragged himself down following her and was now standing in front of Rye. Jo pushed him, trying to make him start talking.

“Peeta, you know that we all love you. I mean, you could always count on me. But… now… I mean… you know yourself that… these past…”

“Please, just move over. I’ll handle it…” Jo interrupted him impatiently. She addressed him in a harsh and cold tone: “I came to help you pack your things. Here’s a confirmation of a reservation for a hotel room in New York for two weeks. There’s a business card of an acquaintance, a psychiatrist. You are fired from the bakery and being thrown out of the apartment. This is your last chance, so see what you’re gonna do with it. Just go…”

 

I followed her without a word. I got ready for leaving while she packed my things, and Rye took my bags to the car. Before I went, Jo firmly hugged me and whispered: “Pull yourself together and she will return to you.”

 

**xxx**

 

During the course of the three years that preceded his exhibition in New York he fought endless battles with a variety of demons. Aside from the draining everyday work at a New York bakery and the rehab, at the beginning he didn’t have the strength to do anything. With time and the help of Dr. Aurelius, whom Jo had recommended to him, he accomplished to analyze his mistakes, explore the deeper causes that were to be found in his not-too-happy childhood, perceive his failures in the right light and take responsibility for his own life. He was painting all the time, using it as some sort of art therapy. The realization that for him art was a necessity and salvation forced him to try it again. Even though he was technically too old, he applied for a private art program, organized by a group of art historians, professors and gallery owners. This is where he met China and, with his help, managed to make his dream come true. And now he’s here, surrounded by artwork that’s nothing but the sum of lost dreams.

 

**VI**

 

The visitors had left. One could only hear the quiet voices of the gallery staff. He felt her presence before he laid eyes on her. She was the epitome of all his fantasies, wishes and dreams, but also much more than that. She was the point of his life.

 

They exchanged greetings and started a trivial conversation – Jo had sent her an invitation for the exhibition; she had decided to come at the last moment; the artwork is beautiful; she’s congratulating him on his success…

“Katniss, why did you come?”

To someone else, this question would have sounded ill-mannered and insulting. To her, it had a deeper meaning. She looked straight into his eyes, which gave him the impression that she was scanning his every thought and feeling and calculating whether he was worth the effort.

“All of these pictures… emotions… the messages underneath… is all of that real?”

“Yes!” he answered without even a hint of hesitation.

After a longer pause, she answered, looking at him with a smile: “You know, there is a huge age difference between us. I had to wait for you to grow up. Jo has told me that there is a real chance you might have reached the full maturity of an average thirteen-year-old boy, which, she says, is probably your peak. I came to check whether she’s right.”

“Does that mean…”, he stopped, unsure of himself.

She drew closer and held out her hand. Without a word he took it and they proceeded to the gallery exit together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Cover: https://florence68blog.tumblr.com/Aboutmywriting


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